Going Home

           I haven't written in an unforgivable amount of time, and I don't have much of an excuse except that I've been busier these past weeks than I've been in my whole life. At this point, I don't think I can remember exactly how I felt at the beginning of this year, but I know for a fact, that this year has been well more than I expected. I never expected to love so many people as much as I do now. The strangers I met at the beginning of this year are now best friends, parents, and sisters. Because of this, saying goodbye has been a very difficult feat. I have cried more today than I ever thought possible. Even though I am excited to go home, it is heartbreaking to leave my new home in Germany. This year has been the most topsy turvy roller coaster ride, but it has been the year I needed and the year I will never forget. Throughout this year, I have written my own definition of exchange, and now I realize that it is just one indescribable, difficult, messy year. Here is what I came up with:

          Exchange is the best and hardest decision one can ever make. Exchange is terrifying and unique. It’s exciting and enlightening. It makes you feel brave and adventurous, vulnerable and stupid. Exchange makes your body hurt. It makes your muscles tighten and your eyelids spasm. An exchange year is cleaning your hair out of the shower because it won’t stop falling out, and you don’t want your host family to be grossed out. It is wondering how soon you will be bald because there is no way you have much more hair left. Exchange is waiting weeks before seeing your favorite sweatpants again because they have to drip dry before you can wear them again, so you become an expert at wearing clothes for as long as possible without washing. Exchange is losing your pride. It is sitting in the bathroom on the first day of school and crying because your classmates don’t seem interested. They don’t talk to you. Exchange is learning to be alone, learning to depend on yourself and your own thoughts. It is gaining the ability to feel comfortable sitting alone on a bench with no one to keep you company apart from yourself. Exchange is lonely. It is waiting months before the first student becomes more than a classmate. It is watching your friends in your home country grow and move on without you. Exchange is letting this happen and realizing that you are doing the same, just differently. Exchange is falling in love, falling in love with places and people. It’s finding a home with new families no matter how unique or dysfunctional or crazy they are. It is realizing that your heart has a much greater capacity to love than you thought it ever could. Exchange is also about letting go. It is about meeting people who change your life and saying goodbye without knowing if you will see each other again. Exchange is stressful. Exchange is finding peace within yourself. It is realizing that what people say about you doesn’t have to affect you so much. An exchange year is about longing for affection. It’s holding your host sister’s hand because all you want some days is to feel loved or needed. It is realizing that friends are sometimes hard to make but can be found on every continent. Exchange is realizing that a year is shorter than you first imagined. It is counting down the days sometimes and then praying for more. Exchange is eating weird things. It is smiling even when you aren’t feeling your best. It is facing every day again and again no matter how hard it seems to crawl out of bed. Exchange teaches you to cry without regret, to let things go when they don’t go how you planned, and to realize that you can’t do everything alone. Exchange is being treated like a five year old because you don't know every vocabulary word. It's crying again because all you want is your best friend who is hundreds of miles away. It's realizing that you still have more than 100 days until you can hug her again. Exchange is fear; it's being afraid that you aren't learning fast enough, that they talk about you behind your back, or that when you get home you'll be a different shaped puzzle piece and won't be able to fit again. It's missing the same food over and over until you're convinced that you can taste it and nothing else tastes quite as good. Exchange is not knowing how to feel about having only 96 more days. It's wanting to get on the first plane home but also stay in your exchange life forever. It's wanting to hug the people you left behind but not wanting to leave behind any more people. It's realizing why nobody tells you how hard the last few weeks will be. Exchange is being patient with the new people you meet. It's working past the prejudices that people have for your country. It's being patient with yourself because there are days where your belief system seems to fly out the window. It's holding your breath when someone teases you or biting your tongue when you don't agree because you know that some fights aren't worth fighting. Despite all the challenges, exchange is love. It's noticing small parts of love and learning to love more. It's finally realizing that the friends you have made here are lifelong friends. It's being nervous and scared, defensive and sensitive, but it's also being strong, proud, and independent. It is the hardest year you can ever imagine, but it will make you a better person.  I know it has made me a better person. It's made me a braver person and a stronger person. I wouldn't trade this year for the world, and if I had to make the decision all over again, I'd do the same thing again. This year has not been the year I wanted or expected, but it was the year I needed. 

I'm so happy that I have had my German experience and that I have met many people who make it so hard to leave. I have truly fallen in love this year. I have found a new home, more friends, and a second family, and I cannot wait to come back and visit them and my second home Germany again. 

Easter Break and more

It's hard to believe that it's been so long since my last post, but time has flown by since last March. I've enjoyed a very long Easter break as well as some trips around Münster and Hamburg.

In the middle of March my host sister celebrated her birthday, and near the end of March we watched a volleyball game between Münster and Stuttgart. Münster won. :) Our last week of school before break was very interesting because it was the 12th grade's last day of school. Every year they get to dress up for the whole week (sort of like our Spirit Week at school), and then on Friday they pull pranks around the school. Then, the 11th grade has to clean up after them. Long story short, I ended up pulling tampons and pads off the floor and ceiling in one hallway for over an hour.

Over Easter break my host sister and I worked at a horseback riding camp, so we got to help kids and also ride a good bit ourselves. This is always really fun for me because it reminds me of my horses at home. After break we headed back to school, and my host sister went to Slovenia on a week long exchange. My host parents then took me to see Hamburg on the following Saturday! We rode on a ferry boat, ate at a couple local restaurants, and went sight-seeing.

My host brother just had a birthday this week, so we had a barbecue in the back yard. I'm very excited that the weather is now getting warmer! After this last week of school, we went to a fair here in Münster. I'm proud to announce that I did not cry on the roller coaster; although, I thought about it.

This next week is again really busy. We are going to have a long weekend starting on Friday, so we are going to see Cologne and Bonn. I'll let you guys know what I'm up to later in May, and I hope you are all having a wonderful spring!

100 Days

It's been a busy few weeks, and now I've realized that I only have around 100 more days here in Germany. Time certainly has flown by since my midyear seminar.

Of course school is always a little difficult to juggle because I have not only homework for my German school but also three online courses. Thankfully we've also had a lot of fun these last few weeks. A couple weeks ago my host family and I went to IKEA to have dinner and do some shopping. I always love going to IKEA, and every time my family and I visit Atlanta, Georgia we go to IKEA.

Two days later my host sister, host dad, and I went skiing in Sauerland, Germany. I love skiing, and getting to ski was a huge treat! Of course, I wiped out at least four times. I fell over my host sister's ski pole, rolled down two hills, and worst of all fell trying to get on a ski lift. It was definitely a humbling day, but I definitely had a ton of fun!

Later that week the three of us went roller blading after school. Surprisingly, I did not fall once! We skated for about 10km. After skating I got to talk to one of my friends back in Memphis, and that was also really nice.

Last Thursday my host mom met my host sister and me for lunch after class. Then, we went to a museum about the history of Münster. It was really cool to see old pictures of Münster and learn some about medieval Münster.

Friday was also super fun! After school we all went to a nearby swimming pool together. Fun fact: Germany has super cool public swimming pools! We swam for about 3 hours and then got ice cream. I definitely slept very well that night after so much swimming.

Every Saturday Münster has a huge farmers' market, so on Saturday morning my host parents and I went into the city and did some shopping. Today I have to work on some homework, and then I am planning on resting some since this last week was so busy and fun!

I don't really know how I feel about having only around 100 days left. Of course a part of me is really excited to see everyone back at home again and eat all the food that I have been missing for the past 8 months. Another part of me is also sad that I will be leaving Germany and all the people I have met. I'm just aiming to make the most of my last 3 months.

The Move

It's been a long time since my last post, but I've got a lot of news to tell you. The first week of February I packed up all my things and moved to a new city. I now go to a new school and live with a new family in Münster. My first week here was very busy. Not only did I get to spend time with my new family, but we also went to a parade that takes place in our part of the city. My host sister and I also had to go to school, and even though starting at a new school is always hard I felt really at home. My host sister is really good at including me and making sure that I'm doing ok in school. Plus, my school is a catholic Mädchenschule (girls' school) just like my school in the USA.

Münster is also a really cool city! It's known as the bicycle capital of Germany, and it has tons of history. In fact, my school is built around an old bunker from one of the wars. My host sister and I wrote our Klausuren (exams) on Friday, so my host mom picked us up afterward, and we went out to eat at a vegan restaurant for lunch. Then, we walked around the city center and shopped a little bit as well as took some pictures.

I have a new host brother who is 19 and lives in a different city, and I have an AWESOME new host sister who is sitting next to me while I write this. She is going to be 17 next month, and we spend most of our time together. We go to the same school, play volleyball together, and watch movies. I also have really cool host parents who remind me a lot of my own parents. Right now my host sister and I are watching a movie, and soon we are all going to ride our bikes to a bowling alley so we can bowl. I think my host sister overestimates my bowling ability because I mentioned that I played it in my American P.E. class.

Last weekend my host sister, Tessa, and I were counselors at a horse camp. We got to help 13 kids ride horses, and we also got to ride some ourselves. One day we also dressed up for Karneval (sort of like Halloween with parades); I was a cow girl, and she was a pirate. We spent most of our time tacking up horses, sweeping out the barn, eating, and sometimes riding.

Overall, it's been an amazing first two weeks, and I am so happy with my new life here in Münster with my lovely and funny new host family. I hope that my next blog post comes a little sooner, and I hope that you all are having a great February.

Midyear Seminar and more!

As many of you know, language camp was basically the best month of my life. I spent my first month in an American bubble with teamers, teachers, and other exchange students who hugged me and made me laugh. However, I was not ready for the amount of joy and sadness that midyear seminar would bring. First off, I would like to say that today is my 6 month mark which means I only have 5 months until I am back on USA soil. Realizing this fact has made me want to cram as much travel, adventure, and learning into my last months. On the train to midyear I was really calm, and I don't think I had totally grasped the fact that I was going to hug all of my friends again. Once I walked through the youth hostel's door, at least 30 people came toward me and wrapped me in tons of hugs! It felt amazing to be hugged, to have my hair played with, and even to speak English. Three of the teamers from language camp made reappearances at midyear, and there presence was amazing. Not only do I look up to them, but I also really enjoy talking to them and hearing their advice.

On my first night I just enjoyed seeing everyone, had some dinner, and then had a short group meeting in an upstairs room. By day two I had spoken more English than I have spoken in months. In fact, there was a point in the second day where I attempted to tell one of my friends something in English but forgot what words to use, so instead I had to speak German to get my idea across! That made me really happy and feel a lot more confident in my learning progress. On the second evening we went into Bonn, went to a history museum, and got to have free time for dinner. I found my first Mexican restaurant in Germany, and it actually was pretty good. I also stopped by the Haribo store, and was amazed at the number of items you can buy there. On day three we worked in small groups and played games together. Not only did I keep my small group from language camp, but also one of my my favorite teamers was my small group leader, so our meetings were filled with laughter and good memories. We walked into the small town center and enjoyed a huge snowball fight. Then, of course, I slipped in the ice two times in a row and had to walk back to the hostel in soaking wet clothes where I then tripped over a table and was safely escorted to the large meeting room. We promptly got into our pajamas and played a hug scavenger hunt game throughout the hostel. Because it was our last night with each other, I stayed awake until 4:00 am talking to my favorite teamers and some of my friends. We played Uno, and then slept for about 3.5 hours. I was actually still excited to wake up at 7:30, but I have never been so sad to say goodbye. It was so amazing to see everybody, and the closer we got to leaving the more I felt like crying. Saying goodbye took a long time, and I hugged everybody multiple times. 

Riding home was also hard because I wanted to stay with my amazing second family so much! Once I got home I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep as well as the emotional goodbyes, and I promptly fell into bed. I still miss my big, awkward exchange family, but feeling their love and support and hearing their stories made me feel much more confident and happy. I can't wait to see them again, and I truly believe that they will always hold a place in my heart as my strange family of puzzle pieces that are all different but somehow fit perfectly. 

I will definitely be posting more pictures as soon as I download them, so never fear. Also, I would really appreciate it if all of you could sign this petition: http://savecbyx.org/  My program is facing budget cuts which means that less kids will be allowed to go in the next coming years. I really want this program to continue sending as many kids as possible. It has done so much for me, and I truly believe I am a stronger and better person because of it. Please help save CBYX and allow other kids to experience this life-changing adventure!

After Christmas I got to travel throughout Germany a little bit, and it was so much fun!

First, I went about 5 hours south to Bamberg. My cousin lives in Bamberg, and I stayed with her. I got to go sight-seeing throughout the town, eat at an American diner (absence does make the heart grow fonder), and play in my first German snowfall! Bamberg is a really pretty city with lots of historical buildings and cathedrals. I got to go to museums and go bike riding throughout the city center. I even got to hang out with my cousin's cat who slept on my legs every night. My mom, sister, and brother then met me in Bamberg. Seeing them was the best Christmas present ever! My mom sent me a package for Christmas, but unfortunately it got stuck in customs, but I finally got it on the 31st. That was really fun because it was filled with stuff from home.

I got to see how Nürnberg celebrates New Year's Eve, and it is the craziest thing I have ever seen. I think it is crazy all over Germany though because fireworks are usually illegal, but on New Year's Eve they become legal for 24 hours. There were so many fireworks coming from all directions, so it was definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

After Nürnberg, I went to Munich for the second time this year. I visited a lot of the places that I visited last time such as Neuschwanstein Castle and Marienplatz. I also got to see the toy museum, Dachau, and Hohenschwangau Castle. There was even more snow in Munich, and it was very nice. Coming from Tennessee, I will never complain about beautiful snow; however, I never miss out on a chance to complain about cold temperatures and windy weather.

We visited my great aunt in Wiesbaden and walked along the Rhein river. We also went to a vineyard in Johannisberg. There is a restaurant that sits overlooking the vineyards, so we had tea above the vineyards and watched the sunset.

On our way up to my host home in Stemwede we stopped in Bad Laasphe. I showed my mom Schloß Wittgenstein where my language camp was. It was really fun to see it again, but it also made me really miss language camp. There was snow there too, and our GPS decided to take us on a scenic route through the woods. My mom even said "Wow! This is so much nicer than the autobahn." Then our car got stuck in the snow and we were in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully, two very nice people saw us and met us in their jeep. They got out with their shovel and started shoveling the snow for us. My sister and I kicked snow out of the way while my brother and mom used coffee mugs to scoop the snow away from the tires. Then my sister, brother, the two strangers, and I pushed the car while my mom steered down the hill. Once we were back on the road my sister said, "Sometimes you meet people who are so insensitive that you question humanity, but then you meet people like that who drive through snow to help strangers push their car." They even drove their car in front of ours to help us find the right road that was free of snow.

Once we got back to Stemwede we had dinner and handed out some belated Christmas presents. My family stayed for a couple days and then went to Amesterdam when I started back to school.

Christmas break was really fun! I spent so much time relaxing, exploring, and visiting museums and cathedrals. I remember being really nervous about the train system when I learned more about it at language camp, but now I feel super confident traveling alone. I definitely am able to stay calm when I am lost and remind myself that every mixup and misunderstanding is just another adventure that I'll get to tell someday. At the moment I am getting ready to get back on the Deutsche Bahn and head to my midyear seminar on Thursday. It will be near Bonn, and I am so excited to see all of my friends and hug everybody that I haven't seen in months! I'll definitely post some pictures from midyear, and there will be a ton on facebook because most exchange students are huge shutterbugs!

I know Christmas has come and gone, and I am a little late. Still, I will tell you about Germany during Christmas. Before coming to Germany I heard of many stereotypes. Some of them are accurate; however, most of them are not. The one thing I did hear about that has been pleasantly confirmed is the Christmas markets. Before coming I heard about how beautiful they are and how much they put you in the Christmas spirit, but you really have to see it to understand. 

The first Christmas market I went to was in Levern, another small village next to my own village. The market was tiny and adorable. They had some food stands and a few stands for jewelry and handcrafted goods, and in the Grundschule (primary school) there were many people selling quilts and clothing. 

The second market I went to was in Oldenburg. I went with my local coordinator and her family, and it was one of the coolest things I've seen. The streets were full of stands for food and handcrafted goods. The thing that impressed me the most was the lights! They were so beautiful, and the streets were covered with them. Basically, it seemed like the whole city came together to transform their city into a winter wonderland. 

I also went to a third market with Mahalia, another exchange student, and her host family. We went to Bremen, one of my favorite German cities so far. It was huge and gorgeous! Once you step out of the train station there is a huge arch of lights and bright chandeliers. Throughout the city there are lights in the shape of stars and light up signs that read each street's name. I actually got to go to this market a second time with my host family, and it was still just as beautiful the second time. The first time I went on a Thursday, and the second time I went on the weekend. I have to say the crowd is probably doubled on the weekend, so it is probably a better idea to attempt to see the markets on weekdays. 

Even though there are amazing booths to look at, I spent most of my time holding a cup of hot chocolate and looking up at the lights hanging above the streets. I got to try several traditional German drinks and dishes, and everything was very delicious! All in all, I have to say that Christmas markets are the epitome of a Christmas in Germany. They definitely lived up to my expectations.